Why would a person decide to see a Personal Coach?

In many ways, life has gotten easier than in generations before us. Most of us no longer plow the fields, hand wash our clothes and make our food from scratch. Technology has freed up time to dive into deeper aspects of life on this earth. We can begin to ask our selves deeper questions. Why are we here? What is my life’s purpose? Is this all there is? These big questions are part of the reason people see a Personal Coach. They want some guidance to make smarter choices with their precious life.

No good sports team steps onto the field or court without a coach. The coach is positioned outside of the game in order that they might see more of what is happening on the playing field. So too, a Personal Coach can see from a perspective that isn’t in the center of the client’s life. They don’t have the same attachment to past and present events and help to explain emotions as they arise or the client is triggered. They can play the role of the observer until such time that the client develops that skill for him or herself.

How is coaching different from therapy?

Therapy is an approach to help a client awaken from the fears and beliefs that keep them from functioning in the world. Sometimes, therapy is preferable before coaching if a client has a deep wound, such as excessive trauma or abuse. A good therapist can help that person to come to grips with those deep wounds and arrive at a place of being present in their own lives.

Coaching is for the person who wishes to release the limiting beliefs that hold them back from the life they desire. It is direct process and will require the client to be willing to look at aspects of themselves that they may not even know are there, or from which they’ve been hiding. They should be aware that part of the coach’s job is to call them out on lies or limiting stories they tell themselves as a way of not looking at the truth of their situation. It is a partnership between the coach and the client.

Who are the people you coach most often?


I see women who are going through or considering a divorce, empty-nesters, women who want more meaning in their lives or want to live more deeply. Quite often, I find that women are in pain because of a part of themselves they’ve been denying. Many times, it is her feminine side that she’s been pushing away because she’s either too busy to take care of the woman inside, or she has ideas that that part is weak. I help her to find the part of herself that remembers how to have fun and to help her find the strength in that.

I also see some couples who would like to deepen their relationship. I coach both from the perspective of honoring the masculine and the feminine in all of us. In my studies, I’ve found a deep connection to learning about and teaching the art of honoring the differences in between masculine energy and feminine energy. While we all possess both within us, we all have one or the other at our very core. My job is to help people assess and claim the aspects of the energy that is closest to their core. Statistically, only about ten percentof both men and women are in the very middle of the spectrum from masculine to feminine. The rest of us lie on the continuum from masculine to feminine. Learning where one lies on that scale allows them to claim more of themselves and live more authentically.

In many couples, each is trying to get their partner to understand their position and may even keep score on who is more right. I teach them how to choose happiness over being right as a way to grow deeper in love. They learn to focus on in the other to grow their love rather than trying to change or punish them for a differing point of view. And lastly, I teach them that they both have very different roles in the world. When they embrace their roles within their intimacy, they can regain the sparks they may have had at the beginning of their relationship.


Why did you get into this line of work?


Early on, I had the opportunity to see that there was much more going on in the world than what meets the eye. I’ve spent a large portion of my life as a seeker trying to find a way to be exactly who I want to be in the world. I’ve had incredible teachers along the way that have helped me to excavate myself from family and societal conditioning. It is a journey that never ends, but I want to pay it forward as a way of thanking all those that taught me.

I see pain in the faces of both men and women. Men, with the weight of the world on their shoulders; and women too stressed out and busy to find a bit of bliss for themselves. I want to look in their eyes and say, “It doesn’t have to be this way.” I’ve been working with groups of women to help them find support and depth with each other. I teach them to go beyond social conditioning in order to find what is real between them.

The women who came before us did some amazing work. Women’s Liberation showed us that we are not second-class citizens, but it forgot one very important detail—we are not men. We’ve lost some of the unique power that makes the feminine a force to be reckoned with on earth. It is a passion of mine to see how women in deep connection can change the world, but doing so not out of anger and rebellion, but out of compassion. Seeing another’s life from the place of compassion is what I teach.


              Frequently Asked Questions About Women’s Study


Why do women need to have deeper relationships?


Feminine radiance is replenished in deep and meaningful relationships with other women. A deep friendship is characterized by the participants being vulnerable with one another and allowing authentic emotions to come to the surface. Allowing real emotions to arise builds deep trust with in the feminine. Our conditioning has been to comfort, pat, offer a tissue, in order to show our caring. The subtle message is, “Alright now, that’s enough. Time to stop because I don’t know what to do.” Because emotions are not as much a part of masculine energy, we have been taught to tamp things down in order to make everyone comfortable. We’ve even been taught that emotions are weak, bad or wrong—nothing can be further from the truth. Think about a stormy ocean—fifty-foot seas, thunder and lighting. The ocean is a feminine force. The same force lives inside us. To limit the oceans right to storm is crazy. So too, limiting a feminine person to being socially acceptable all the time is limiting her ability to BE in the world.

Radiance can be thought of as life force. The freedom that results from coming out of hiding and squelching our true heart, gives women that glow of radiance. Have you ever seen a little girl that just shines and sparkles? You can’t help but look at her and smile because of her effervescence. Chances are, no one has ever told her she is too much, not enough, too loud, too shy, etc. When women hold that same safe space to be exactly where and how they are in the moment with each other, life force is amplified. That is a gift not only to the women involved, but to everyone in their path.

I teach women to stop competing with one another and instead, dive into deep and loving friendships with the women in their lives. I can even work with two or more women to establish practices with each other to cultivate this supportive connection between them. Women in our culture need to spend more time with each other. Our society hasn’t supported that in the past. A common belief is that when we have a man in our lives, all of our time should be spent with him. As life becomes more and more hectic, it is important for us to find ways to support ourselves and our families in having more fun and relaxation. Somewhere along the line, we’ve been taught to feel guilty about the very things that make having a life on this planet worth living. If the feminine is about adding more life to life, doesn’t it seem to make sense that spending more time with other feminine people would increase that life force for everyone?


Why is radiance important to women?


Working with and observing women, it is clear that many women are overworked, in pain, and angry. We have been taught to achieve in the world and to compete with one another to “get ahead”. Meanwhile, diseases (dis-eases) of the feminine parts of our bodies are at an all time high. It has been proven scientifically that our wellbeing has a positive effect on our bodily functions. For a woman, feeling beautiful, serene and filled with life is as necessary as good food and exercise. Radiance is the byproduct of a full, well-balanced life.


Will radiance benefit others?


How do you feel when you see a bride on her wedding day? Her light that fills the room as she turns the corner to walk down the isle. Being in the presence of radiance increases happiness for all who witness it. Again, human radiance brings life to life. It can be as awesome as watching a beautiful sunset or standing next to the ocean. It’s almost indescribable in words, but you know it when you experience it. It has nothing to do with getting ahead in the world or increasing the bottom line, but without it, there is less reason to live. My job is to help people find ways to add more life to their life and to minimize the regrets they carry through their lives. For the feminine, that means learning to add in more fun, celebration and connection.

Radiance can be cultivated with conscious thought and practice. Learning to walk through the world with a sense of the regal inside of you gives permission to other women to feel the same. It can raise the energy of your relationship with your friends, family and your marriage or primary relationship. A shift in thinking can change the experience of all who know you. It is that indescribable magic that makes life worth living.


What is the enemy of our radiance?


The worst enemy of radiance is doing too much for everyone else. There is a difference between being selfless out of obligation and being in service to others from choice. In this culture, we’ve been taught that being strong is about doing it all—being superwoman or supermom. Making lists, doing, doing, doing, scheduling, relentless time management—these are all great skills and women do them very well, but they are the antithesis of what will produce radiance. In truth, the strongest position for the feminine to play is knowing when to be in service to people personally and when those people should do for themselves. While some amount of doing is necessary to keep life moving, that must be balanced with a practice of movement and fun in order to insure radiance can thrive.

Certainly, as a wife and mother, you will want to serve your family well, as a show of your love for them. Making sure that jobs are done from a sense of choice is crucial. Being in service to people out of obligation steals radiance. Resentment builds up and women tend to become haggard-looking and angry. In the long run, it benefits no one. A major lesson I teach is how to have choice in any situation. It is a mental, spiritual and physical process that can make all the difference in one’s life and the lives of the people around them.


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